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Slumdog Millionaire
I'm having a little trouble with Slumdog. I'm feeling prejudiced against it because of something that hasn't even happened yet.
Actually, I am going to tell you the better ending or you'll think I'm full of hot air. I'll put it waaaay down the bottom of this page so you have to scroll down to see it. I warn you though, it does give away the current ending...
OK, I'm done with the screenplay rant. Maybe my lack of faith in the Oscars will be misplaced and it won't even get nominated in the screenplay category (yeah, and I'm Stephen Fry). You'd be forgiven after all that if you thought that the movie was rubbish - but that couldn't be further from the truth. Despite the clumsy screenplay, it's actually very engaging. The little Indian kids are great (though I kept mistaking one for the other) and Danny Boyle's eye for cinematography certainly helps - Boyle's previous movies have all been worth watching: Shallow Grave, Trainspotting, 28 Days Later, Millions, Sunshine - they're all movies that any buff needs to see, and I'd add this one to the list. In fact everything other than the screenplay is top notch - and it's only weirdos like me who find that kind of thing irritating. So you'll get on with it just fine. Slumdog Millionaire is one of those talked-about movies that you feel you have to see. Ignore the numerous inadequacies in the screenplay and you'll be rewarded with a highly memorable experience. I enjoyed this film: I think the average moviegoer will enjoy it: Testosterone Satisfaction Rating: To enjoy this film: try not to let the shoddy screenplay bother you.
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Scroll down if you want to see what the ending SHOULD have been... | ||
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OK, I think they've all gone. It's just you and me now. | ||
Right, so you remember how the game show host told the slumdog that he'd lose everything if he got the final question wrong? We all know that's not how it works on the show. In the Indian version he'd have gone back down to 640,000 rupees if he'd got it wrong, but in the movie he'd have lost it all. The final question asked who the third musketeer was, after Athos and Porthos. Ask most people that question and they'll say (wrongly) D'Artagnan, because everyone's heard of that character in the story. Slumdog guesses at Aramis, confident that "it is written" so he must be right and hooray, he gets it right and wins the 20 million rupees. Because "it is written". Pish posh. | ||
How much better would it have been if they'd kept the 640K checkpoint and Slumdog had confidently gone for D'Artagnan. Most people watching would've thought he was right and would be expecting the right answer for the happy ending. When the "it is written" solution failed to materialise, it would be genuinely surprising. Slumdog would realise that the significance of his being on the show was to be reunited with Latika rather than to win the top prize (which does seem rather at odds with the whole spiritual ethos), and he'd still have 640,000 rupees to play with, which is a ton of money to a slumdog. Plus with his new-found celebrity status he'd be less likely to get bugged to death for handouts after winning the smaller amount. Slumdog and Latika still live happily ever after, but in a much more fulfilling way. | ||
So there you have it. One of the many reasons I'm not a screenwriter. |
Here's the thing. Slumdog Millionaire has Best Adapted Screenplay Oscar written all over it. It just has that feel.
It hasn't happened yet, but I reckon my money's safe - and that really grates, because it's riddled with problems.
Dev Patel, who was the scrawny sex-starved Anwar in Skins, finds himself on the Indian version of Who Wants to be a
Millionaire. We cut back and forth between the game show and the local police, who are trying to beat out of him how he
managed to win so much money ... yeah, there we go, there's problem number one. They've told us straight away he's going
to win, so every time throughout the movie when they try and build up the question-answering tension, we already know
he's going to get them right. Hmmm.
Although the book doesn't mention a specific game show, the movie is very keen to
tell us it's Millionaire, but then buggers about with the rules of the show. Anyone who's watched the real show will spot
where they go wrong, and every time it's like a poke in the ribs. One of the differences they've added for extra tension
actually eliminates the
possibility of a much better ending, compared with the trite and lazy one presented to us. I can't tell you what that is
without giving it away, but it's very frustrating when a muttonhead such as myself can think of a better ending than the
one that's going to win it an Oscar.
But I've jumped ahead. As the cops replay the video of the show, the little slumdog explains how he comes to know
these particular answers, related as they are to incidents in his short but eventful life. How convenient, then, that
these events all happened in the same chronological order as the questions were asked in the show. How very, lazily,
sickeningly convenient.
