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05 / 11 / 2008
Review: After the gruelling James Bond press junket tour, I bet Daniel Craig could use a Quantum of Solace.

02 / 11 / 2008
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Japan are in - just one rally to go and still the lead keeps changing! See how your team fared or see the Japanese rally results. Any of the top ten could still claim overall honours!

23 / 10 / 2008
Review: Brad Pitt steals the latest from the Coen brothers: Burn After Reading.

23 / 10 / 2008
Review: Simon Pegg learns How to Lose Friends and Alienate People.

23 / 10 / 2008
Review: Ben Stiller directs stars aplenty in Tropic Thunder.

12 / 10 / 2008
Review: A few words on some recent movies: RocknRolla,
Death Race,
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army,
Space Chimps,
Stuck,
The Babysitters,
Starship Troopers 3: Marauder,
Son of Rambow,
Jack and Jill vs the World,
Made of Honor,
Meet Dave,
Doomsday,
Pathology.

15 / 08 / 2008
Review: You can mess with Adam Sandler, but You Don't Mess with the Zohan.

15 / 08 / 2008
Review: Mike Myers tickles some chakras in The Love Guru.

14 / 08 / 2008
Review: Toot and come in, it's The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor.

14 / 08 / 2008
Review: You can stop watching the skies now, it's The X Files: I Want to Believe.

31 / 07 / 2008
Review: Batman Began and now continues in The Dark Knight.

24 / 07 / 2008
Review: The Chronicles of Narnia continue with Prince Caspian.

23 / 07 / 2008
Review: Pixar goes Short Circuit with Wall-E.

22 / 07 / 2008
Review: Jules Verne never envisaged a 3D version of Journey to the Centre of the Earth.

09 / 07 / 2008
Review: Jet Li and Jackie Chan team up in The Forbidden Kingdom.

09 / 07 / 2008
Review: Will Smith keeps the streets safe and smelling of booze in Hancock.

09 / 07 / 2008
Review: M Night Shyamalan's latest, The Happening.

09 / 07 / 2008
Review: Spanish creepy-creepy The Orphanage.

09 / 07 / 2008
Review: A quick catchup of movies that don't get the full treatment:
Be Kind Rewind,
Street Kings,
What Happens In Vegas,
Superhero Movie,
The Ruins and
Teeth.

08 / 07 / 2008
Review: Bend that bullet Angelina! Wanted.

01 / 07 / 2008
Review: Those cats were fast as lightning - Kung Fu Panda.

24 / 06 / 2008
Review: Don't make Ed Norton angry - The Incredible Hulk.

24 / 06 / 2008
Review: Carrie and Big's wedding, it can only be Sex and the City.

11 / 06 / 2008
Review: Everyone's favourite pot-addicts are back in Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay.

04 / 06 / 2008
Review: Harrison Ford returns in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

04 / 06 / 2008
Review: Tube driver seeks suicidal man in Three and Out.

18 / 05 / 2008
Review: CGI fantasy motor racing in Speed Racer.

18 / 05 / 2008
Review: Your creases will fly away with Iron Man.

18 / 08 / 2005
Sudoku! Have a go at the online Sudoku game.

Plenty more
See the rest of the reviews here.

Why Did I Get Married

Cast: Tyler Perry, Janet Jackson, Sharon Leal, Tasha Smith, Jill Scott. Directed, written and produced by Tyler Perry. Story: Stupid people cocking up their relationships. Running Time: 1hr 53 minutes. No plans for a UK release, thank god.

Jesus Christ, the crap I sit through so you don't have to. Christmas is on the horizon, so we have a whole brace of turkeys to come, but I bet none will be as hopelessly awful as Why Did I Get Married.

You won't have heard of Tyler Perry. That's because his talentless arse has been filtered from our lucky British consciousnesses by sensible marketeers who realised they'd be wasting their time shipping his dross over here. I've only seen one other Tyler Perry movie, and that was the inconceivably awful Diary of a Mad Black Woman. I had high expectations for that one, as it was doing well in the US box-office, and they were mercilessly dashed like a mammoth sitting on a melon. Now I come fore-armed I kinda knew this one was going to be a pile of toss as soon as I saw his name on the credits - but as always, having low expectations enables you to see the good points in an otherwise disastrous movie. I'm still looking, there must be one in there somewhere.

OK, so the acting isn't horrible - but unfortunately the direction most certainly is, and this easily counteracts any quality injected by the cast. Every scene looks stilted and the script is so painfully bad that Sir Laurence Olivier himself would have looked like a schoolboy on nativity night. At one solitary moment, one of the actors deviated from the script, and this moment stood like a beacon because all of a sudden, for one glistening second, it wasn't shit any more. Sadly it wasn't to last. The camera work is rubbish, the editing shoddy and the plot couldn't be more obvious if it was written on the poster. The characters are so shallow and one-dimensional that they make Postman Pat look like Hamlet and the humour is so achingly bad that each attempt makes you groan with the sinking realisation that it isn't a spoof, and it really isn't going to get any better. But what makes me REALLY uncomfortable is that it's making a ton of money in the States, and that says more about the state of that nation than any retarded president ever could.

Why Did I Get Married is, I really really hope, the worst movie of the year. If you can think of the worst TV series you've ever seen, and imagine watching four episodes back to back, you're just about there. Truly horrific.

I enjoyed this film: 0/5

I think the average moviegoer will enjoy it: 1/5

Testosterone Satisfaction Rating: 0/5 - you may feel the need to check on your bollocks to make sure they're still there.

To enjoy this film you should be: amazed by the fascinating boxy thing in the corner of the living room that makes moving pictures.