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12 / 10 / 2008
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See the rest of the reviews here.

St Trinian's

Cast: Rupert Everett, Colin Firth, Lena Headey, Jodie Whittaker, Talulah Riley, Gemma Arterton, Kathryn Drysdale, Russell Brand, Tamsin Egerton, Lily Cole, Caterina Murino, Lucy Punch, Anna Chancellor, Celia Imrie, Stephen Fry, Toby Jones, Mischa Barton. Directed by Oliver Parker and Barnaby Thompson. Story: Rebellious schoolgirls. Running Time: 1hr 35 minutes. UK Certificate 12A.

Hands up who expected this one to be any good? Nobody? Me neither. Imagine my surprise then, when it turned out to be almost entirely non-shite. Almost.

St Trinian's is one of those mysterious pervading franchises that somehow everyone knows about and has a fondness for, even those who are too young to have seen the movies. With a national rose-tinted memory to live up to, the new movie certainly has its work cut out for it and, despite some wrong moves, it brings the school bang up to date nicely. There is, of course, Russell Brand, who is clearly there to please all those young girls who will grow up to become mortified at the idea that they once fancied him. He's no George Cole by any stretch, but even he beats the bookies by being not completely fuckulent as the wide boy Flash Harry. Alastair Sim's classic headmistress role is foolishly miscast as Rupert Everett - I say miscast because we're already used to seeing him in a dress, so it doesn't work the same way; in fact he looks more incongruent when dressed as a man, playing the headmistress's brother. Someone more unpredictable like ... oh I don't know ... Justin Lee Collins might have worked better. Or George Cole, now there's an idea.

As for the girls themselves, there are loads of faces to recognise, from supermodel Lily Cole (who looks about fifteen but is actually nineteen) through Kathryn Drysdale (screechy Louise in Two Pints of Lager) to Jodie Whittaker (Venus) and all of them, bar the disastrously wooden first year mobsters, are very watchable. The naughty rebellion of the old black and white movies is retained intact and brought up to date with prolific references to sex, drugs and rock n roll ... though I suppose they were in the old ones too ... but they're not portrayed in a way that you'd want to hide from your kids. For example, Tamsin Egerton emerges from another room and does the universal post-blow-job wipe-the-jizz-from-her-mouth motion that will have the adults tittering and will go straight over the kids' heads. In fact there's at least as much here for the adults as the kids, with many subtle movie references that the brats won't spot, which is enough to keep the grown-ups amused while the painfully clichéd and predictable story pans out. Oh, and if you've heard that Girls Aloud are in it - they only show up over the end credits, singing their deplorable theme song, but they are in school uniforms...

St Trinian's is far better than anyone could have expected. It's very light and derivative, but it still somehow manages to feel fresh and is, most importantly, good fun. Take your daughter to see it and she'll be good for at least ten minutes afterwards. Until she starts making stink bombs.

I enjoyed this film: 4/5

I think the average moviegoer will enjoy it: 4/5

Testosterone Satisfaction Rating: 3/5 - adult actresses dressed as schoolgirls - what more can I say? One schoolgirl gets locked out of the shower and runs naked through the corridors, but as you would expect it's carefully choreographed to hide any squidgy bits. An 18 certificate "unrated" version would sell like earplugs at a Jade Goody poetry recital...

To enjoy this film you should be: young at heart. Schoolgirls will love it.