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05 / 11 / 2008
Review: After the gruelling James Bond press junket tour, I bet Daniel Craig could use a Quantum of Solace.

02 / 11 / 2008
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Japan are in - just one rally to go and still the lead keeps changing! See how your team fared or see the Japanese rally results. Any of the top ten could still claim overall honours!

23 / 10 / 2008
Review: Brad Pitt steals the latest from the Coen brothers: Burn After Reading.

23 / 10 / 2008
Review: Simon Pegg learns How to Lose Friends and Alienate People.

23 / 10 / 2008
Review: Ben Stiller directs stars aplenty in Tropic Thunder.

12 / 10 / 2008
Review: A few words on some recent movies: RocknRolla,
Death Race,
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army,
Space Chimps,
Stuck,
The Babysitters,
Starship Troopers 3: Marauder,
Son of Rambow,
Jack and Jill vs the World,
Made of Honor,
Meet Dave,
Doomsday,
Pathology.

15 / 08 / 2008
Review: You can mess with Adam Sandler, but You Don't Mess with the Zohan.

15 / 08 / 2008
Review: Mike Myers tickles some chakras in The Love Guru.

14 / 08 / 2008
Review: Toot and come in, it's The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor.

14 / 08 / 2008
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31 / 07 / 2008
Review: Batman Began and now continues in The Dark Knight.

24 / 07 / 2008
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23 / 07 / 2008
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22 / 07 / 2008
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09 / 07 / 2008
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09 / 07 / 2008
Review: Will Smith keeps the streets safe and smelling of booze in Hancock.

09 / 07 / 2008
Review: M Night Shyamalan's latest, The Happening.

09 / 07 / 2008
Review: Spanish creepy-creepy The Orphanage.

09 / 07 / 2008
Review: A quick catchup of movies that don't get the full treatment:
Be Kind Rewind,
Street Kings,
What Happens In Vegas,
Superhero Movie,
The Ruins and
Teeth.

08 / 07 / 2008
Review: Bend that bullet Angelina! Wanted.

01 / 07 / 2008
Review: Those cats were fast as lightning - Kung Fu Panda.

24 / 06 / 2008
Review: Don't make Ed Norton angry - The Incredible Hulk.

24 / 06 / 2008
Review: Carrie and Big's wedding, it can only be Sex and the City.

11 / 06 / 2008
Review: Everyone's favourite pot-addicts are back in Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay.

04 / 06 / 2008
Review: Harrison Ford returns in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

04 / 06 / 2008
Review: Tube driver seeks suicidal man in Three and Out.

18 / 05 / 2008
Review: CGI fantasy motor racing in Speed Racer.

18 / 05 / 2008
Review: Your creases will fly away with Iron Man.

18 / 08 / 2005
Sudoku! Have a go at the online Sudoku game.

Plenty more
See the rest of the reviews here.

Rambo

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Julie Benz, Matthew Marsden, Graham McTavish. Written and directed by Sylvester Stallone. Story: A 61 year old Rambo absolutely, positively has to kill every last mutha-fucka in the jungle. Running Time: 1hr 31 minutes. UK Certificate 18.

Urgh, I feel so dirty. I just watched the new Rambo movie and I didn't hate it. Pass me the wire wool, I need to scrub myself.

Now let's not get over-excited, it's not a good movie. The story is devoid of all value, the morality is too simplistic for a five year old and the script is so breathtakingly bad that you could turn the movie into a spoof without changing a single word. If you were to put Ramboid clichés into a fruit machine and spin the wheels, you'd have your new Rambo movie right there. On top of that, despite the evidence of effective computer trickery, they STILL insist on using that stupid technique of yanking the guy who's been shot backwards on a wire! Haven't we established enough that it looks awful when they do that? Anyone would think the special effects industry doesn't hang on my every word. So how on earth does Rambo end up being anything other than a hideous barrel of swamp rot? I'll tell you. By accident.

You see, the movie is played straight - we're supposed to feel shocked when the innocent kiddies get shot, then enraged in a Daily Mail let's-hurt-someone-so-we'll- feel-better kind of way. But this is Rambo. We know it's horse-shit. So when the baddies make the villagers run through a land-mined paddy field for sport, it's not shocking at all, in exactly the same way that when New York was annihilated in Cloverfield and The Day After Tomorrow it was cool despite the implication that millions were killed. See someone die in Schindler's List and it's painful to watch, see a dozen flying corpses in Rambo and it's comical. Yes, call me a cynical old scrote, but I chuckled more than once as random Burmese limbs danced across the screen. It works by accident, because it's so bad at attaining the realism it strives for. It's a funny old world.

Rambo is really terrible - and yet it's good fun. Truly appalling writing couples with excellent mindless violence to make an unexpectedly enjoyable combination in a way that Rocky Balboa completely failed to do. It's like dropping apples in a vat of wee and discovering a new flavour of cider.

I enjoyed this film: 4/5

I think the average moviegoer will enjoy it: 4/5

Testosterone Satisfaction Rating: 5/5 - more violence than you can shake a pointy stick at. Very graphic gory bits and brief flashes of nudity.

To enjoy this film you should: laugh at the dialogue and wait for the shooty bits.