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Lesbian Vampire Killers

Cast: James Corden, Mathew Horne, Paul McGann, MyAnna Buring, Tiffany Mulheron. Directed by Phil Claydon. Story: The clue's in the title. Running Time: 1hr 22 minutes. UK certificate 15.

With a title like that, Lesbian Vampire Killers should've been the lads' movie of the year. It isn't.

I don't know what's happened to vampire movies lately. First Twilight, and now this. Not that you can compare the two - Lesbian Vampire Killers owes more to The Cottage and Severance than anything else, but it has none of the basic quality of those movies. A quick glance down the female cast list is enough to cast doubt - the only name that was familiar to me is Tiffany Mulheron from, erm, Hollyoaks. In movie-speak that means, "can't act, won't get her bits out." And she's not the only one. Come on boys, with a title like "Lesbian Vampire Killers," you've got to splash the flesh a bit more than that. The old Hammer movies were better for T&A than this movie.

Fortunately the comedy duo Mathew Horne and James Corden are present, and they use their effortless charm to good effect. You can't turn on your telly lately without seeing the popular Gavin and Stacey stars fumbling around in some comedy vehicle or other, and while they're very easy on the brain, they're never really very funny. In this country we have nice-loser characters coming out of our ears, and most of them are better than Horne's, while Nick Frost takes Corden's bolshy mate routine into another league. It's a sad day when Paul McGann stands out as the man of the match. Having said that though, the script has its moments. Not many of them, granted, but they are there. And the visual feel, including the special effects, is quite nice in a cottage-industry kind of way, which is odd because the rest of the movie feels very rushed and unpolished - as if they knew that Corden and Horne's moment in the sun is drawing to a close and were afraid of missing the boat... hmmm. I wonder if they'll be doing anything except Gavin and Stacey next year...

Lesbian Vampire Killers does everything wrong that Shaun of the Dead did right. It's not a complete disaster, but I won't be watching it again. Well, maybe just the bit with the lesbian vampire in the shower...

I enjoyed this film: 3/5

I think the average moviegoer will enjoy it: 2/5

Testosterone Satisfaction Rating: 2/5 - A little nudity, but not nearly enough, plenty of comic violence but very little blood.

To enjoy this film: be a fourteen year old boy.

Lesbian Vampire Killers was released in the UK on 20th March 2009.