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25 / 07 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the eleventh race in Germany are in! Check the results, see how your team did or enter a new team. Next race is Hungary next weekend on 1st August.

11 / 07 / 2010
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Bulgaria are in! Check the results, see how your team did or enter a new team. Next rally is Finland on THURSDAY 29th July (a day earlier than usual!).

11 / 07 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the tenth race in Silverstone are in! Check the results, see how your team did or enter a new team. Next race is Hockenheim on 25th July.

27 / 06 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the ninth race in Valencia are in, including the penalties for the naughty boys driving too fast. Check the results, see how your team did or enter a new team. Next race is Silverstone on 11th July.

13 / 06 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the eighth race in Canada are in! Check the results, see how your team did or enter a new team. Next race is Valencia on 27th June.

30 / 05 / 2010
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Portugal are in! Check the results, see how your team did or enter a new team. Next rally is Bulgaria on 9th July.

30 / 05 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the exciting seventh race in Turkey are in! Check the results, see how your team did or enter a new team. Next race is Canada on 13th June.

16 / 05 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The Monaco scores have been updated to reflect Michael Schumacher's ridiculous penalty for daring to overtake a Ferrari. Check the updated results, see how your team did or enter a new team.

16 / 05 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the sixth race in Monaco are in! Check the results, see how your team did or enter a new team. Next race is Turkey on 30th May.

10 / 05 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the fifth race in Barcelona are in! Check the results, see how your team did or enter a new team. Next race is Monaco on 16th May.

10 / 05 / 2010
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally New Zealand are in! Check the results, see how your team did or enter a new team. Next rally is Portugal on 28th May.

19 / 04 / 2010
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Turkey are in! Check the results, see how your team did or enter a new team. Next rally is New Zealand on 7th May.

18 / 04 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the fourth race in China are in! Check the results, see how your team did or enter a new team. Next race is Barcelona on 9th May.

06 / 04 / 2010
Fantasy Rally: The JWRC driver lineup has been released, so you can make your selection before teams are frozen for Turkey on the night of 15th April. If you don't pick anyone, you'll get Aaron Burkart by default.

05 / 04 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the third race in Malaysia are in! Check the results, see how your team did or enter a new team. Next race is China on 18th April.

03 / 04 / 2010
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Jordan are in! Check the results, see how your team did or enter a new team. Next race is Turkey on 14th April.

29 / 03 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the second race in Melbourne are in! Check the results, see how your team did or enter a new team. Next race is Malaysia THIS WEEKEND on 4th April.

14 / 03 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the first race in Bahrain are in! Check the results, see how your team did or enter a new team. Next race is Australia on 28th March.

09 / 03 / 2010
Fantasy F1! Yes, there's a brand new Fantasy Formula One game! Check the rules or enter your team by Friday night to qualify for the first race in Bahrain!

08 / 03 / 2010
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Mexico are in! Check the results, see how your team did or enter a new team. Next race is Jordan on 1st April.

17 / 02 / 2010
Fantasy Rally: The points awarded for a win have changed in the real WRC, so we've reflected the changes in our scoring too. Check the rules to see the details. Next rally is Mexico on 5th March, teams will be frozen at midnight on the night of Thursday 4th March.

16 / 02 / 2010
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Sweden are in! Check the results, see how your team did or enter a new team.

31 / 01 / 2010
Fantasy Rally: The new rally season is upon us - 2010 Fantasy Rally is now open! Check the rules or pick a team ready for the start on 12th Feb.

25 / 10 / 2009
Fantasy Rally: All previous years' Fantasy Rally results are online - Check the 2009 season.

02 / 08 / 2009
Reviews: Sorry, there won't be any more movie reviews for the foreseeable future. Events have overtaken me. Catch up on reviews you may have missed.

18 / 08 / 2005
Sudoku! Have a go at the online Sudoku game.

Failure To Launch

Cast: Matthew McConaughey, Sarah Jessica Parker, Zooey Deschanel, Kathy Bates, Terry Bradshaw, Justin Bartha, Bradley Cooper. Directed by Tom Dey. Story: Parents hire a woman to seduce their son in order to persuade him to move out. Running Time: 1hr 37 minutes. UK Certificate 12A.

Somewhere in a parallel universe there is another Matthew McConaughey, and in this universe he makes a movie that isn't arse-clenchingly terrible. This, however, is our universe, so RUN AWAY and watch anything else instead of this bollock-kettle of insipidness.

OK, EDtv was quite good, but that's a shining light compared to the string of turds that "Muh-Connor-Hay" has done since - most recently Sahara and Two For The Money. Combine him with Sarah Jessica Parker - the face of a baboon caught in a lift door - and the movie is doooomed from its launch. Hmmm, I wonder if that's where the title came from. Ms Parker is known for playing manipulative selfish harpies, who somehow are hailed as powerful independent women and seen as characters to aspire to, and Paula is no exception. Paula thinks it admirable to be paid by parents for making their sons fall in love with her, just so they will move out of the family home, whereupon she moves on. I'm frankly disgusted that this is supposed to be a light-hearted - let alone believeable - axiom for a "comedy" and it genuinely disturbs me that the audience is expected to think it's OK to behave like this. If women are really like this underneath then I'm going gay.

Which leads me conveniently to the script. Allegedly it was written by two men - Tom J Astle and Matt Ember. If this is true, I hope they're not still in the closet because there's absolutely no way that any heterosexual male has come within a paragraph of this script. The interplay between the two leads feels like it's written from the perspective of someone who's learned heterosexuality from a book. The relationship is completely unconvincing, the "funny" scenes are almost painful in their failure to inspire any kind of titter and the supporting characters have no depth or novelty. Fortunately the actors themselves are far better than the script deserves, which redeems things somewhat and makes the viewer yearn for the leads to bugger off and let the bit parts do their stuff. Kathy Bates is always reliable and teams up well with Terry Bradshaw as the parents keen to see off their shiny-pecced son and Zooey Deschanel (Trillian from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy) is best of all as Paula's acerbic sister. Oh, and there's one good line, in the vet's surgery. But, as the marketeers were clearly struggling for material, they've already ruined that one by having it on the trailer.

Failure To Launch is stunningly bad in every area except the acting, which is actually pretty good. In trying to be a female Hitch, it misses the point by a country mile and ends up as a damning indictment of the scriptwriters' inability to mix with proper grown up people. I can't see either men or women getting anything out of this - bizarrely, I see it appealing more to the gay man. There you have it - Failure to Launch is a queer's eye on a straight guy.

I enjoyed this film: 1/5

I think the average moviegoer will enjoy it: 2/5

Testosterone Satisfaction Rating: 0/5 - at one point the dialogue suggests that we're supposed to be able to see Zooey Deschanel's boobs - but we can't. No such problems with Terry Bradshaw's wobbly arse though. Shudder. Sarah Jessica Parker tries everything to draw our attention to her boob job - well, anything rather than look at those malevolent weeny little eyes.

To enjoy this film you should be: Jack from Will & Grace.