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The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
It's another summer kiddie-flick trying to part you from your cash. Narnia 2 may just be the first kiddie war movie, and in my book that's a Very Bad Thing.
Of course, accompanied by a big sigh from me, none of these shortcomings are going to make the slightest difference. The mighty visuals and the "Lord of the Rings Junior" feel will be enough to satisfy most viewers and so I have to sum up with the rather depressing prediction that you will, in fact, think I'm talking bollocks. It's shite, but you'll love it. Oh, and there's a third movie on the way. Goody gumdrops. I enjoyed this film: (once I'd calmed down a bit) I think the average moviegoer will enjoy it: Testosterone Satisfaction Rating: - normally a movie I consider not suitable for kids would score highly here - but it's for the wrong reasons. To enjoy this film you should be: bemused by my kiddie-war rant.
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If you were around these parts for 
million baddie kebabs in the name of Good (no blood though, mind, it's a PG after all), orphaning the children of anyone
who happens to be wearing the wrong uniform, then when they finally catch the main baddie, the only one who you could
actually argue deserves to die, they let him off! The eponymous Prince Caspian seems mighty narked that the broody evil
one might have "killed his father," but the irony seems completely lost on them that they've just created a thousand
orphans who are going to be thinking exactly the same about them. The bereaved ones are not bad guys, they're just wives
and kids of soldiers who happen to live under a different ruler. How is that different exactly? Mass murder is fine as
long as a talking zoo animal might approve of it, and you really really feel it's the right thing to do, is it?
Why exactly is it acceptable to give our children this message?
And ... breathe. I know, it's just a movie, I shouldn't care about that kind of thing. It just winds me up that a pair of
tits gives a movie a 15 certificate, yet genocide-on-a-whim is deemed fine in a PG. But before I get myself into another
what's-wrong-with-the-world rant, let's put the revolting ethics to one side for a moment. The special effects are
rather impressive, with centaurs, minotaurs and, erm, badgers, all intermingling seamlessly with the human cast and,
it has to be said, acting the central kids off the screen. All four of them are wholly unimpressive again and they do
take up way too much screen time. The plot is incredibly random at times, giving the same impression as in the first
episode - that it doesn't matter what happens, they'll invent some load of cock to get them out of a hole. I'm sure it
makes sense in the book, where there's enough time to develop the ideas, but in the length of a movie - even a long one
like this - it comes over like a child's painting. Random daubings of plot spattered wherever the author fancied.
