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Elektra
Directed by Rob Bowman. Story: Mysterious ninja woman blah blah, who cares. A third-rate spin-off from Daredevil. Running Time: 1hr 36 minutes. Certificate 12A.
Lately Jennifer Garner has been quoted complaining how people judge her on her looks and how it's so hard to be judged on talent when you look good. Erm, Jenny babes? <Insert nasal high school voice> HELLO?! <voice off> Call me critical, but do you think maybe you're not helping things by playing crappy superficial roles like this? For feck's sake, soon Elton John will be complaining that people think he's "a bit camp".
I'm bored with talking about this nonsense so I'm going to leave you and go and watch Napoleon Dynamite instead. Unless you're twelve or extremely drunk, I recommend you do the same, as there is nothing to praise about Elektra. Given that I can't even remember Elektra being in Daredevil in the first place, it seems an astonishingly unwise spin-off to attempt, relying solely as it does on the physical attributes of Ms Garner - which is where we came in. I enjoyed this film: I think the average moviegoer will enjoy it: Testosterone Satisfaction Rating: Plenty of skimpily outfitted Jennifer and some fantasy scraps. To enjoy this film you should be: too young to be reading stuff like this. Go finish your homework.
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Cast: Jennifer Garner, Terence Stamp, Kirsten Prout, Goran Visnjic, Colin Cunningham, Jason Isaacs.
I'm not going to wait until the final paragraph to say it - Elektra is rubbish. It's a movie made for teenagers
and looks like it was made by teenagers as well - but not in a good way. I don't mean it's fresh and
vivacious, I mean it looks like the people responsible have no experience of what adulthood is and what makes a
good movie. This
is exemplified by the fight scenes towards the end that have sheets flying around in a
the-critics-liked-it-in-Hero-so-it-must-work-here kind of way. No, it doesn't work here, it just makes you look
like a twat for thinking it would. The whole film reeks of inflated self-belief and thus it's very difficult to
recommend to anyone over age of twelve. Even Jennifer Garner says Elektra is a turd,
as this link shows: 
For the sake of balance, I guess I should point out the positives. Jason Isaacs has a small entertaining role
in the opening sequence and Terence Stamp is quite amusing as the blind
sensei. Some of the computer effects are particularly impressive too - one baddie has the ability to produce
animals
from his tattoos. Even though it happens several times, it doesn't lose its impact. The kid - Kirsten Prout -
is pretty good as well, though even her performance is undermined by the ludicrous plot. Even a goldfish would
point holes in it, the inconsistencies and plain implausibility is insulting to the viewer.
I couldn't even seek solace in the eye candy
either, as Jennifer Garner just reminds me of my sister (shudder) and she delivers such a staid Elektra that
anyone with tits could have pulled it off. Well, maybe not Rik Waller, but you get the idea.
