|
Forwardcharm |
 |
Latest News 13 / 05 / 2012 30 / 04 / 2012 23 / 04 / 2012 22 / 04 / 2012 15 / 04 / 2012 15 / 04 / 2012 02 / 04 / 2012 01 / 04 / 2012 28 / 03 / 2012 25 / 03 / 2012 18 / 03 / 2012 15 / 03 / 2012 13 / 03 / 2012 05 / 03 / 2012 23 / 02 / 2012 14 / 02 / 2012 13 / 02 / 2012 12 / 02 / 2012 23 / 01 / 2012 22 / 01 / 2012 18 / 01 / 2012 11 / 01 / 2012 27 / 11 / 2011 14 / 11 / 2011 13 / 11 / 2011 |
DOA: Dead or Alive
DOA: Dead or Alive. The first hint is right there, in the title. WE KNOW WHAT DOA MEANS! That's because we're not in the target demographic. We're not twelve.
DOA: Dead or Alive is your typical movie-from-a-video-game. All looks and no lunch, it bores after the first ten minutes and fails to improve. Sneak your little brother in and he'll love you forever - drag your girlfriend along too and you'll be doing the dishes into your retirement. I enjoyed this film: I think the average moviegoer will enjoy it: Testosterone Satisfaction Rating: - if there'd been some actual tits in it, it would've got a 5. To enjoy this film you should be: young, male and as horny as possible.
|
||
Your commentsThe comments printed here are not necessarily the views of Forwardcharm!
OK, let's start by reminding everyone that this is based on a computer game and is not to be taken seriously.
| ||
I think you'll have already guessed that DOA is a great steaming pile of elephant dung, otherwise I wouldn't have brought
out the block capitals already. You're right, and very perceptive for noticing, if I may say so. DOA is a smorgasbord of
ideas nicked from kitsch and crap movies, ranging from Enter The Dragon (kitsch) through AWOL (crap) to Street Fighter
(both). Oh, and Charlie's Angels, which I quite liked but everyone else derided. DOA tries and fails to capture the fun of
Angels, relying instead exclusively on lascivious and lingering shots of the bright young things' bikini-clad wobbly bits.
Now I'm a big fan of that, don't get me wrong, but I do like it to be surrounded by some kind of competent movie - and this
movie is as competent as Tim Lovejoy's Fifth Gear debut.
For the right audience, DOA is probably a dream come true. If you're twelve and just discovering what the wobbly bits are
for, and you've never seen the internet before, you'll be in heaven. But that's tough, because it's a 15 certificate.
Try as I might, I can't fathom the logic behind this. There's no nudity (we nearly see Holly Valance's boob but not
quite), there's no significant swearing and there's not a drop of blood anywhere. Why is it a 15? PG would've been fine.
Anyone older than 15 will start to notice the appalling editing continuity and the supremely silly wire work. The
characters fly around a la Crouching Tiger and 
The acting, it has to be said, isn't too bad. Jaime Pressly was a revelation in My Name Is Earl and she's really good here
too - who'd have thought this was the same woman who used to do soft porn like Poison Ivy: The New Seduction? Holly Valance
(from Neighbours and Entourage) is far better than I ever expected and even the supporting cast, which includes Coronation
Street's Matthew Marsden, is perfectly acceptable. Only Devon Aoki lets the side down a little - her dead-eyed stare was
perfect for deadly little Miho in
