Latest News
23 / 01 / 2012
Fantasy Rally: Teams are now open for editing again. Ogier and Mikkelsen are entered into Sweden in S2000
cars, but they're not eligible for the SWRC championship. You can choose them as WRC drivers for Sweden if you want.
22 / 01 / 2012
Fantasy Rally: Results from the Monte are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. The second rally is in Sweden and starts on 9th Feb.
Teams will be frozen at midnight GMT on the night of Thursday 9th Feb.
18 / 01 / 2012
Fantasy Rally: Rally teams are now frozen for the Monte. You can still
pick a team and it will start scoring from Sweden on 9th Feb.
11 / 01 / 2012
Fantasy Rally: The 2012 Fantasy Rally season is now open for entries!
Read the rules or dive straight in and
pick a team.
You can change your team as often as you like so you may as well create one now in case you forget later.
Cutoff for the first race in Monte Carlo is midnight GMT on the night of TUESDAY 17th January.
27 / 11 / 2011
Fantasy F1: The results from the final F1 race at Brazil are in and the championship has been decided!
Check the results or
see how your team did. First race of 2012 is Australia on 18th March. Entries for the new
season will open a week or two before that date.
14 / 11 / 2011
Fantasy Rally: Shock rally drama! Martin Semerad was excluded from the PWRC, so our
results change too, which gives us a new champion!
Check the results or
see how your team did.
13 / 11 / 2011
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally GB are in and the season is over!
Check the results or
see how your team did.
The 2012 season will be open for entries in early 2012 in time for Monte Carlo on 17th January.
13 / 11 / 2011
Fantasy F1: The results from F1 race 18 at Abu Dhabi are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Only one race to go - the final race is Brazil in two weeks on 27th November.
30 / 10 / 2011
Fantasy F1: The results from F1 race 17 at India are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Only two races to go - next race is Abu Dhabi in two weeks on 13th November.
24 / 10 / 2011
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Spain are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. The next and FINAL rally of the year is Wales Rally GB on 10th November.
Entries close on the night of WEDNESDAY 9th November (a day earlier than usual).
16 / 10 / 2011
Fantasy F1: The results from F1 race 16 at South Korea are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is India in two weeks on 30th October.
09 / 10 / 2011
Fantasy F1: The results from F1 race 15 at Suzuka are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is South Korea next weekend on 16th October.
02 / 10 / 2011
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally France are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next rally is Spain on 20th October.
25 / 09 / 2011
Fantasy F1: The results from F1 race 14 at Singapore are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Suzuka in two weeks on 9th October.
11 / 09 / 2011
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Australia are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next rally is France on 29th September.
11 / 09 / 2011
Fantasy F1: The results from F1 race 13 at Monza are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Singapore in two weeks on 25th September.
28 / 08 / 2011
Fantasy F1: The results from F1 race 12 at Spa are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Monza in two weeks on 11th September.
21 / 08 / 2011
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Germany are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next rally is Australia on 8th September.
01 / 08 / 2011
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Finland are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next rally is Germany on 18th August.
31 / 07 / 2011
Fantasy F1: The results from F1 race 11 at Hungary are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Spa in a month on 28th August.
24 / 07 / 2011
Fantasy F1: The results from F1 race 10 at the Nurburgring are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Hungary next weekend on 31st July.
10 / 07 / 2011
Fantasy F1: The results from F1 race 9 at Silverstone are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Nurburgring in 2 weeks on 24th July.
26 / 06 / 2011
Fantasy F1: The results from F1 race 8 in Valencia are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Silverstone in 2 weeks on 10th July.
19 / 06 / 2011
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Acropolis are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next rally is Finland on 28th July.
12 / 06 / 2011
Fantasy F1: The results from F1 race 7 in Canada are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Valencia in 2 weeks on 26th June.
30 / 05 / 2011
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Argentina are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next rally is Greece on 16th June.
29 / 05 / 2011
Fantasy F1: The results from F1 race 6 in Monaco are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Canada in 2 weeks on 12th June.
22 / 05 / 2011
Fantasy F1: The results from F1 race 5 in Barcelona are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Monaco next weekend on 29th May.
08 / 05 / 2011
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Sardinia are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next rally is Argentina on 26th May.
08 / 05 / 2011
Fantasy F1: The results from the fourth F1 race of 2011 in Turkey are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Barcelona on 22nd May.
17 / 04 / 2011
Fantasy F1: The results from the thrilling third F1 race of 2011 in China are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Turkey on 8th May.
16 / 04 / 2011
Fantasy Rally: The results from the rather shortened Rally Jordan are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next rally is Sardinia on 5th May.
10 / 04 / 2011
Fantasy F1: The results from Malaysia have been updated to reflect the penalties
applied to Hamilton and Alonso. Of course, being a Ferrari, Alonso's didn't actually make any difference.
10 / 04 / 2011
Fantasy F1: The results from the second F1 race of 2011 in Malaysia are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is China on 17th April.
28 / 03 / 2011
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Portugal are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next rally is Jordan on 14th April.
27 / 03 / 2011
Fantasy F1: The results from Australia have been updated to reflect the disqualification
of the Saubers.
27 / 03 / 2011
Fantasy F1: The results from the first F1 race in Melbourne are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Malaysia on 10th April.
14 / 03 / 2011
Fantasy F1: The 2011 Fantasy F1 season is finally open for entries!
Pick your team now as the first race is on 27th March!
07 / 03 / 2011
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Mexico are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next rally is Portugal on 24th March.
14 / 02 / 2011
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Sweden are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next rally is Mexico on 3rd March.
06 / 02 / 2011
Fantasy Rally: At last! The 2011 Fantasy Rally season is open for entries!
Pick your team now as the first rally starts on Thursday!
14 / 11 / 2010
Fantasy Rally: The results from the final round, Wales Rally GB, are in!
Check the results or
see how your team did in the final standings.
14 / 11 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the final race at Abu Dhabi are in!
Check the results or
see how your team did. Please come back and play again next year!
07 / 11 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the eighteenth and penultimate race at Brazil are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. The final race is Abu Dhabi next week on 14th November.
03 / 10 / 2010
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Spain are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next and final rally is Wales Rally GB on 12th November.
24 / 10 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the seventeenth race at South Korea are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Brazil in two weeks on 7th November.
10 / 10 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the sixteenth race at Suzuka are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Korea in two weeks on 24th October.
03 / 10 / 2010
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally France are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next rally is Spain on 22nd October.
26 / 09 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the fifteenth race in Singapore are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Suzuka in two weeks on 10th October.
14 / 09 / 2010
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Japan are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next rally is France on 1st October.
12 / 09 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the fourteenth race in Monza are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Singapore in two weeks on 26th September.
30 / 08 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The scores from Spa have been updated to reflect Alguersuari's
3-place penalty.
29 / 08 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the thirteenth race in Belgium are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Monza in two weeks on 12th September.
22 / 08 / 2010
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Germany are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next rally is Japan on 10th September.
01 / 08 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the twelfth race in Hungary are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Spa in four weeks on 29th August.
01 / 08 / 2010
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Finland are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next rally is Germany on 20th August.
25 / 07 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the eleventh race in Germany are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Hungary next weekend on 1st August.
11 / 07 / 2010
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Bulgaria are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next rally is Finland on THURSDAY 29th July
(a day earlier than usual!).
11 / 07 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the tenth race in Silverstone are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Hockenheim on 25th July.
27 / 06 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the ninth race in Valencia are in, including the
penalties for the naughty boys driving too fast.
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Silverstone on 11th July.
13 / 06 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the eighth race in Canada are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Valencia on 27th June.
30 / 05 / 2010
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Portugal are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next rally is Bulgaria on 9th July.
30 / 05 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the exciting seventh race in Turkey are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Canada on 13th June.
16 / 05 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The Monaco scores have been updated to reflect Michael Schumacher's ridiculous
penalty for daring to overtake a Ferrari.
Check the updated results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team.
16 / 05 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the sixth race in Monaco are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Turkey on 30th May.
10 / 05 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the fifth race in Barcelona are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Monaco on 16th May.
10 / 05 / 2010
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally New Zealand are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next rally is Portugal on 28th May.
19 / 04 / 2010
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Turkey are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next rally is New Zealand on 7th May.
18 / 04 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the fourth race in China are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Barcelona on 9th May.
06 / 04 / 2010
Fantasy Rally: The JWRC driver lineup has been released, so you can make
your selection before teams are frozen for Turkey on the night of 15th April.
If you don't pick anyone, you'll get Aaron Burkart by default.
05 / 04 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the third race in Malaysia are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is China on 18th April.
03 / 04 / 2010
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Jordan are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Turkey on 14th April.
29 / 03 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the second race in Melbourne are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Malaysia THIS WEEKEND on 4th April.
14 / 03 / 2010
Fantasy F1: The results from the first race in Bahrain are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Australia on 28th March.
09 / 03 / 2010
Fantasy F1! Yes, there's a brand new Fantasy Formula One game!
Check the rules or
enter your team by Friday night to qualify for the first race in Bahrain!
08 / 03 / 2010
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Mexico are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team. Next race is Jordan on 1st April.
17 / 02 / 2010
Fantasy Rally: The points awarded for a win have changed in the real WRC, so we've
reflected the changes in our scoring too.
Check the rules to see the details. Next rally is Mexico on 5th March,
teams will be frozen at midnight on the night of Thursday 4th March.
16 / 02 / 2010
Fantasy Rally: The results from Rally Sweden are in!
Check the results,
see how your team did or
enter a new team.
31 / 01 / 2010
Fantasy Rally: The new rally season is upon us - 2010 Fantasy Rally is now open!
Check the rules or
pick a team ready for the start on 12th Feb.
25 / 10 / 2009
Fantasy Rally: All previous years' Fantasy Rally results are online -
Check the 2009 season.
02 / 08 / 2009
Reviews: Sorry, there won't be any more movie reviews for the foreseeable future.
Events have overtaken me. Catch up on reviews you may have missed.
18 / 08 / 2005
Sudoku! Have a go at the online
Sudoku game.
|
It all starts promisingly enough - we're introduced to the five foxy spelunkers, a little vague background is provided
and we set off down the big black hole. But the moment the sudden loud noise happens to make the audience jump, we
already know we're in the hands of a novice. Oh dear, oh god, please let them all die quickly so I can go home.
I've said it before and I'll say it again - the sudden loud noise does NOT BELONG in a scary movie. If you made a 110dB
bang in the middle of Coronation Street it would make us jump, it's a natural reflex and has exactly nothing to do with
the amount of suspense created or the scariness of the scene. There's only one
reason to put sudden loud jumps into your scary movie, and that's LAZINESS. Your movie's not scary enough so let's make
the audience jump a few times so they don't fall asleep. It makes me want to find Mr Marshall the director
and slap him repeatedly
with a haddock until he promises never to do it again. And then slap him again just to make sure.
So the direction's bad then - what else? Well, the performances from the five stars are pretty good, even given their
absurd scenario and appallingly unbelievable screenplay. There are a few times where tension is generated by the actors'
performances rather than the nasty monsters and they do work very well. Without giving too much away, there is a typical
potholer-panic scene early on that is very effective purely because of the emotion delivered by the players. There are
also two particular plot twists that were refreshingly different and well acted, but that's not nearly enough. Once the
golems appear, the actors are up against an impenetrable bastion of bollocks - the trolls can easily navigate their
way through caverns in total darkness (using sound, apparently) and can hunt effectively above ground despite being
blind, but they can't hear the girls chatting to one another
two feet away and they can't detect them at all unless they do jumping jacks right under their noses. They can, however,
sneak up on the girls any time they want, naturally to the accompaniment of a sudden loud noise and a new fatwa on
the director. The sound, as well - oh lordy. Just walk into a cave and say something, Mr Sound Man, I think you'll be
surprised how remarkably unlike a studio it sounds. And the lighting. Shining a spotlight in someone's face
isn't going to convince us. It's supposed to be two miles underground, so when the girls lose their lights, IT SHOULD GO DARK!
Now here's the weird thing - it's getting good reviews from both critics and viewers! I am at a total loss to explain
why this is. The only possibility I can think of is that British viewers so badly want British films to be good that they
see quality where there isn't any. This is a British film, and the director Neil Marshall was previously responsible for
Dog Soldiers, which I quite liked for its tongue-in-cheek side. The Descent has no such depth and is far inferior to
Dog Soldiers in pretty much every respect. Don't listen to the hoi polloi, you know I'd never lie to you.
