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The Covenant
What. A. Load. Of. Toss. The Covenant has as much going for it as the Gary Glitter Creche. Steer well clear.
The Covenant fails completely in what is probably the easiest genre to get right. Stealing from other movies is not a good tactic, and in this case it shows that crime doesn't pay. I enjoyed this film: I think the average moviegoer will enjoy it: Testosterone Satisfaction Rating: - if you're young enough not to have had your fill of these movies already. No need to worry about your kid seeing it, it's all very tame. To enjoy this film you should be: fourteen.
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Property is theft, apparently. In that case, The Covenant owns little pieces of just about every crap movie ever made.
There's not one single original idea, and none of them are realised with any creative flair or freshness. It's as if the
creators have learned movie-making from a book, and never actually enjoyed a film themselves. Starting with the premise
that four moody high school kids have awesome supernatural powers, we see them jump off a cliff to join their mortal
buddies. Right there it becomes depressingly evident that things aren't going to go well, as the special effect used is
cripplingly poor. The opening scene evolves, revealing some stunningly awful dialogue and introducing the largely
interchangeable stars, with silly names such as "Caleb", "Chase" and "Pogue". I'm sure I used to enjoy this kind of
preeny adolescent crap - I quite liked The Craft, for example - but it really has to be MUCH better than this.
I'm struggling to find anything remotely good to say about The Covenant. The screenplay is almost certainly the worst I've
sat through all year, the atmosphere is as false as David Cameron's webcast and the glut of teenage posing is far too much
to bear. Think Angel, without the charm, humour and cohesiveness, and then go down. A long way down. I suppose the
actors do the best they can, though they're all largely forgettable, and one or two of the later special effects are
moderately satisfying - the spiders, for instance, look very believable. It's not nearly enough though, and even the
target audience (sixth formers) will turn their noses up at this one. Director Renny Harlin must have got bored of
movies since he peaked with Deep Blue Sea - I won't be looking forward to his next.
